


Remedy

by justsimpleeemeee



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Brief Mentions Of Rape, Episode: s17e11 Townhouse Incident, F/M, First Time, Minor Violence, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Smut, Tuckson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 16:31:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8217133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justsimpleeemeee/pseuds/justsimpleeemeee
Summary: Tuckson oneshot by request from a friend on twitter. When Olivia gets held hostage by Joe Utley, how does she react? How is her relationship with Ed Tucker affected?





	

**Author's Note:**

> "...Every story has its scars. When the pain cuts you deep, when the night keeps you from sleeping, just look and you will see that I will be your remedy. And when the world seems so cruel, and your heart makes you feel like a fool, I promise you will see, that I will be, I will be your remedy." -Remedy by Adele

 

 

 

So much had happened recently. Olivia Benson's life had changed for the better, but that didn't mean that it was without many complications. Being in charge of SVU meant handling the political aspects that came along with promotions, and Liv was not one who enjoyed the seemingly never-ending schmooze fests, fundraisers, and interactions with New York City's politicians. On top of that, she had to handle the squad: a new sergeant, Rollins' family drama and attitude, tensions with Barba over recent cases (namely Terrence Reynolds), and Fin's extreme distaste for Dodds being the main concerns.

She'd also been seeing Ed Tucker for a few months now. At first, she was shocked at the very idea of the two of them going on a date, yet now she couldn't be happier that she'd said yes. He had changed a lot over the years, as had she, and now she knew that he was a good man. They'd rehashed their past in an attempt to understand the decisions that each had made, and while there were a couple instances that they would never agree on, for the most part they each gained new insights into the other. Part of Olivia felt bad for spending time with someone other than her son when she was away from work, but she worked hard to maintain a precarious balance between the three areas of her life. Tucker was accepting of her need to spend time with Noah, and often encouraged her to do so with or without him present. He made sure that even when he was around, Liv and Noah had some one-on-one time, something she desperately needed.

Olivia was lost in thought, staring at the countertop in front of her, with a glass of wine resting in her hand. Somehow, she'd just realized that she'd fallen deeper for Ed Tucker than she thought she would. He wasn't just a man that she was content with casually seeing, anymore; she wanted all of him. They had agreed to take things slow, both wanting to get to know each other before they jumped into bed, and despite the tantalizingly teasing kisses that lingered and wandering hands, they'd managed to stick to their plan. Her thoughts were running rampantly when Ed's voice lulled her back into the present.

"You want some dessert?" He knew, from the look of surprise on her face, that she hadn't noticed that he'd bought dessert at their favorite Italian restaurant too, and he smirked back at her. "Tiramisu."

"I'm not even going to ask how you managed to sneak that in there, but yes. It sounds great," she smiled radiantly.

The apartment was lit with a romantic, warm glow. Instead of the overhead lights that seemed more surgical than natural, Ed had opted for a few lamps and candles scattered about. Though the tree and decorations had already been put away, the pleasant aroma of Christmas was still in the air. The first time he'd done anything even remotely romantic for her, Liv nearly crippled over in astonishment; after all, how could Mr. IAB, Captain Ed Tucker, whose glare forced crooked cops into confession, ever be romantic? Now, she was slowly coming around to the idea that he was beyond what anyone would ever imagine. For every bit of harshness at work, he was gentle and caring at home, for every glare and hard stare, his eyes danced with humor and love, for every rigid word and taunt, he was careful and soft-spoken. There were so many layers to who Ed Tucker was as a person, and Olivia was enjoying getting to see every aspect of what made up this man.

Liv took a bite of the fluffy dessert and sighed softly in contentment, "This is delicious." They were sitting on a pair of barstools in Tucker's kitchen and she leaned carefully over to him. Their lips met in a satisfying soft kiss. "Thank you Ed. I'm glad we finally spent some time together." While his smile lit up his face, she adored watching the happiness in his eyes. After quickly pecking her lips one more time, Ed turned back to his plate, taking another bite.

"I missed you too," he smiled. "So how's your next week looking? I promised Noah I'd come over so we could play cars again." Her laughter filled up the apartment, knowing that Noah could be very insistent when he wanted to be. He'd taken an instant liking to Ed, who was much better with kids than she would've ever imagined, and often inquired about when Ed's next visit would be.

"I have court on Tuesday and the rest of the week, well, we'll just have to play it by ear. I'd like to be home by six on Friday though, if you want to come over then."

"You're inviting me to taco night with the Benson's?" he grabbed at his chest in mock surprise, "I'm honored. Of course I'll be there." His hand found a resting place on her thigh as they continued to eat and make small talk. They were both content in the normalcy of the evening, content to just be with one another.

Eventually they were both finished with dessert, and Olivia moved to put her plate in the dishwasher. She stopped briefly, leaning down to give Ed a quick kiss, as he remained seated on the barstool. Anticipating her move, he opened his mouth slightly, inviting her in. Liv shifted lightly, set her plate back down, and moved her hands to cup Ed's cheeks; one of his hands tangled in her hair as the other lightly grazed the back of her thigh, his fingertips slowly moving up and down, causing a searing desire to course through her body.

Ed caught her moan in his mouth, capturing her lips once again while he stood to gain better control. Olivia pulled herself flush against his body, her nipples reacting to the hard planes of his chest. She stumbled backwards into the countertop and decided to just rest against it as their passionate kiss continued. The gentle caresses on the back of her thighs moved higher until Ed's hands rested on her ass, dragging the material of her dress along with his fingertips. A single feeling of the scrap of material under her dress was enough to shock Ed into clarity.

"Bedroom," he murmured against her lips. "I don't want this time to be against the counter in my kitchen."

She let out a laugh, Tucker's favorite sound in the world, before she agreed. Her lips attacked his once more as they slowly, and not so smoothly, made their way towards the bedroom. They'd just made it past the couch, both considering the idea of just collapsing there so they could have their way with each other, when a sharp pain coursed through Ed's leg. He ripped his mouth away from Olivia's to let out an expletive and glare at the offending object: an end table.

Not one to be deterred, Ed continued right where they'd left off. This time, however, pausing in the hallway. Her body was responding to his in an alarming way; they fit so naturally well together. Pinned against the wall, gentle enough that Liv still had full control and could easily move if she wanted, she reached around Ed's back, feeling the ripples of his muscular physique beneath her touch. She clung to him tightly. The sensation of his mouth against her neck, alternating between kissing and sucking, was dizzying. She pushed against his body, wrapping herself around him so they could be as close together as humanly possible without him being inside her. His body was grinding into hers when she found the strength to move; his shirt needed to be removed immediately. The polo was cast aside effortlessly, thrown somewhere in the hallway without thought.

Unable to resist the thought of her legs wrapped around him, Ed picked Olivia up and pushed her back against the wall. If they hadn't had clothes on, he'd have already been inside her. She felt like a teenager again, lightheaded and unable to form a coherent thought beyond how good it felt. The sounds of soft moans and heavy breaths filled the small space. Liv's dress was being dragged up off her body when the shrill ringing of a cell phone stopped them dead in their tracks.

"Dammit. That's probably the squad." Her eyes closed in frustration as Ed's forehead rested gently against hers before he set her down. He watched her move back into the living room to retrieve her phone from her purse before following her, knowing that their evening was being cut short.

"Benson." Just like that, the evening was cut short, Lieutenant Benson back to duty.

* * *

"So how was your Christmas with Noah?" Melinda asked before taking a sip of her latte. The café was buzzing around them, mostly with college students and a few moms, but it provided a good atmosphere to reconnect with an old friend.

Olivia couldn't help the smile that spread across her face, her eyes lighting up, before replying, "It was perfect. He was so excited about everything. When Ed came over for dinner and Noah realized they were both wearing a green sweater, he wouldn't stop grinning. Poor Ed had to sit through Noah going on and on about how they were twins like Zack and Max at school."

"You seem really happy Liv. So things are going well with Tucker?" Though she wasn't one to pry, the medical examiner had been very curious about how the IAB captain managed to snag Olivia Benson. Unlike most, she understood what it was like to be part of Olivia's arrest. She'd tested the DNA, he'd questioned and arrested her. For whatever reason, Ed was the one who experienced most of the fallout, probably because he was labeled a "rat" to begin with.

Liv looked down at her cup, a soft sigh emanating from her lips, as she traced the rim with her fingertips. "Yeah. He's… things are good. He and Noah get along very well; Noah even asks for Tuck to read him bedtime stories." Her lips upturned lightly at the thought of the two of them together.

"And the sex?" Olivia sent a light glare at her friend, while Melinda simply smirked in response. "Did you really think I wasn't going to ask? I'm married but I'm not blind. That man looks like he'd be great in bed. All that intensity has to be released somewhere ya know."

Sighing, she finally answered, "I don't know Mel." Her friend raised her eyebrows in question and Liv pursed her lips together. "We haven't slept together yet."

"It's been months." It wasn't that Melinda thought badly of Olivia, but she knew that Liv normally did not wait so long to have sex with someone she was dating.

"Trust me, I know how long it's been. We wanted to take things slow… and that was fine for a while. We really got to know each other beyond the job. Anyways, we came close last week but I got a call from the squad. Had to go in. And as much as I wanted to be with Ed that night, part of me is a little relieved that it didn't happen," she admitted. "Melinda, I don't even know why I'm relieved…" she trailed off, her mind wandering, searching for any possible reasonable explanation.

"Brian was the only person you've been with since everything happened, Olivia," Melinda cautiously began. "It's only natural that you're a little hesitant. You clearly have feelings for Ed or you wouldn't have almost slept with him. You trusted him in that moment… you just have to get out of your head a little and trust him again. Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with, but don't be afraid to be with him just because you are scared of what your body looks like."

The tears welled in Olivia's eyes as she listened to her friend's words, knowing that she was partially right. Liv knew that there was more to it, something beyond even the depths that Melinda had recognized, but she wasn't ready to examine those thoughts too closely yet. That would only lead down a whole other path of worrying, so for now she nodded gently at Melinda's theory, agreeing to an extent, without fully recognizing the truth that was glaring at her.

* * *

Joe Utley. Tucker wanted to be the one to pull the trigger himself, but he'd settle to see the bastard go down, to see Olivia safe from harm's way. One glance in her direction and he knew she wouldn't be okay for a while, not by a long shot. All at once, he felt the walls that they'd torn down together, slowly building trust and openness, resurrect around them. She was on one side, he on the other. He didn't blame her; it was what any person would logically do in that situation. Walls get built to protect a person from the outside, not wanting to risk being destroyed again. Olivia had been through enough.

He knew he couldn't drive her back to her apartment without raising suspicion with the detectives, so he reluctantly gave her time to get home. Fin ended up driving her so Tucker knew she was in capable hands. That didn't mean he liked it though. Ed drove back to his own apartment, finally allowing himself to break. He wasn't a person who cried often, he could count the number of times that it happened within the last ten years on one hand, but today he let it all go. The tears flowed freely at his apartment. He cried for Olivia, for her pain, for himself, that he didn't get there sooner, that he almost lost her, that he almost lost the chance to tell her how much she means to him.

Time was ticking by so slowly. Seconds felt like hours. Minutes felt like days. He needed to be with her. He needed to make sure she was breathing, to hold her in his arms and smell her shampoo. Ed needed to know that Liv was there, in one piece, that she really had survived the nightmare that happened in that townhouse.

Olivia, on the other hand, had been rushed around. She'd been checked out by the paramedics, and refused to go to the hospital, fully intent on getting home to Noah as soon as possible. The world around her was a blur. Faces and voices were just noise passing by, unnecessary and unwanted attention surrounding her. Noah and Ed were all she needed, all she wanted.

Her thoughts raced at an amazing pace, considering all that had happened.  _Why didn't I bring somebody with me today? Could I have stopped Joe from raping Tess? Joe Utley is dead. I am alive. Noah is safe, right? I need to see Noah. And Ed… where is he? Noah, I need Noah right now._

After finally convincing her squad she was okay to be left alone, not that they believed her but they acquiesced anyway, she relieved Lucy and held onto Noah for dear life. Normally he squirmed, not wanting to be held for long, wanting instead to play with his toys. He was either incredibly tired or incredibly perceptive, because he just let his mom hold onto him, kissing his head and rocking him back and forth.

Her phone lit up, an incoming text snapping her out of her thoughts for just a moment. Ed.

**Ed: I'm on my way. I need to see you. Be there in 20.**

Through the cracks in the screen, she could still read the words. Joe had it in his pocket when he went down, and though she wanted nothing to do with the reminder of what happened that day, she couldn't get a replacement until tomorrow, so for now she had to make do. She sighed, partially relieved and partially nervous. He'd seen her at her weakest. She couldn't hide anything from him anymore, not with all that had happened. Ed Tucker had gotten a glimpse of the vulnerable side of Olivia Benson, the side that she tried like hell to keep tucked away from everybody. And he stayed. He was still coming over.

* * *

Ed's gaze swept around the room when he entered the apartment. A bottle of unopened wine remained on the coffee table in front of her. Olivia was curled up on the couch, tightly gripping one of Noah's toy cars. She just kept staring at, turning it over in her hands, trying to remind herself that she was safe, that Noah was safe. Today was a nightmare, but the day was over. And they were safe.

"Olivia…" he began softly, not wanting to startle her as he approached the couch.

She looked up at him, a tormented look in her eyes. He knew that it wasn't just about today. Today she had been attacked, robbed of her sense of security, ripped away from the protection that the badge and gun usually afforded her. And he knew she was thinking about more than just Joe Utley. She was thinking about William Lewis. And Lowell Harris. All of those so-called men had changed her life, damaged the way she saw herself, a fact that made Ed more than furious.

"Can I?" he motioned to the couch and she nodded lightly. As he sat down, she felt the weight of another person caring so deeply about her well being, and willed away the tears. She risked a look at him and her body moved towards him before her mind could realize what she was doing. Ed was surprised, to say the least, when she made the first move, wrapping her arms around his neck, inhaling his scent, pulling his body against hers. As he hugged her back, he felt a wet spot on the back of her blouse, the same blue one she was wearing earlier, and pulled away quickly.

"Turn around for a sec, Liv." Confused, she obliged his odd request. His fingers lightly scraped the spot again and she sucked in a breath, not expecting pain. "You're bleeding." The displeasure was laced in his words and he tried, for her sake, to focus on her and not the anger that was seeping into his bones. If Joe hadn't already been killed, he was ready to kill him in that moment.

"Oh. I, uh, I didn't feel anything."

Trying to keep her away from her thoughts of the day, he offered, "Let's go get it cleaned up."

"Okay." Her voice was a whisper, touched that he wanted to care for her like this. She wasn't used to being treated this way. Sure, Brian had been there after Lewis, but he stayed out of her way, afraid to make things worse. He let her be, something she was grateful for at the time, but now realized was the opposite of what she needed. Ed was so different. They'd been in sync so far. He just knew what to do for her, a realization that shocked her to her core.

She led him through her bedroom and into the bathroom. He looked around until he found a washcloth as she found peroxide in the cabinet, careful to not look at herself in the mirror, not wanting to trigger another Lewis flashback. Turning around, she looked up at Ed with a serious expression in her eyes.

"Thank you…for today. Just… thank you." She reached up and brushed her lips against his, barely making contact, as her hand found his cheek.

"You don't have to thank me for that, Liv. You never have to thank me for being there for you." His voice was gruff, low enough to let her know that he was both affected by the day's events and being considerate of Noah who was asleep a few rooms away.

With that, she turned back around and carefully removed her blouse. As much as Ed hated himself for it, he had to remind himself to focus on the task at hand and not consider the idea that she was standing before with only a bra separating him from her breasts. The moment he saw the cut, however, he was no longer thinking about her sexually. Instead, his focus was on taking away her pain. He ran the washcloth under warm water and gently dabbed at her skin, washing away the blood.

"Looks like it's not deep. You must've reopened it a few minutes ago," Ed informed her. She hummed in response, not wanting to think about how it probably happened when she was trying to keep Tess away from Joe when they went back downstairs. He'd pushed down and her back caught the end table next to the chair, but she'd distracted him long enough to get Tess on the other side of the room while he lost his focus on her. Being unable to stop a rape once was horrific, but Liv wouldn't be able to forgive herself if it happened again in that house.

Her sharp inhale at the sting of the peroxide made Ed pause, immediately letting up on the cut. He let her catch her breath before he continued. He set the washcloth down on the edge of the sink, perfectly folded into a square, and ached to run his hands along the bruises that were still forming on her lower back, wanting nothing more than to heal her with his touch. If only he had the power to take away her pain.

Olivia turned around slowly to face him. To his credit, his eyes remained on hers as she stepped closer, tilting her head up towards him. She licked her lips as her eyes darted to his before returning to his questioning gaze.

"I just…" before she finished her thought, her lips were on his, seeking  _something._  Seconds had passed before she felt his lips move against hers, knowing she'd probably shocked him with her actions. The kiss began innocently enough, but Liv was becoming more and more aggressive against him. She needed him. Caught up in the sensation of her lips on his, Ed kissed her back just as roughly, becoming lost in the moment. Time ticked by and they remained in the bathroom, bodies touching, mouths melting together, his hand resting in her hair and hers rested on his lower back, pulling him closer. When he moved his other hand around her waist to rest on her back, he felt her wince and he was immediately brought back into reality. She was in pain. She'd just been held hostage, beaten, and been aware of horrible things happening to others in that house. And yet he was here acting like a horny teenager. He stepped back at once.

"Olivia I'm so sorry. I should… I should go, I didn't mean to hurt you," he stammered, very un-Tucker-like.

Placing her hand on the hard planes of his chest, she stopped him. "Ed. Don't apologize. I just... I want to feel something good. I want this. I want you and me." She took one step closer and he took a step back, keeping the distance.

"You don't know what you want right now. This isn't the right time to be making those kind of decisions…"

Her scowl cut him off. "Don't you dare tell me what I do or do not want right now," she seethed. "I am perfectly capable of making decisions for myself." His eyes softened as he realized she was the same Olivia Benson he'd fallen for, just a little banged up from the day.

"I'm sorry. I just don't want to do anything to hurt you Liv. I care about you too much to ruin this by not making sure you know what we're doing, okay?" His sincerity melted away independence-fueled anger that she was feeling just seconds ago.

Feeling his stubble against her fingertips as she glanced downward, she quietly began speaking again. "You're a good man, Ed Tucker." Her eyes met his again at once. Taking in her appearance, his brows furrowed.

"You still have blood on you." He reached for the damp cloth again, but she stopped him.

"I need to feel clean. To scrub this day off of me," she admitted. Their eyes held a conversation as he silently asked her if she wanted him to leave, and she made it clear that she wanted him to stay. She unbuttoned her pants, carefully sliding them down her long legs. Next, she stepped up to Ed, who didn't back away this time, and lifted his shirt over his head. He'd changed into a polo and jeans, doing literally anything at home to pass the time before he could head over to Olivia's apartment earlier, knowing she liked it when he wore polos. He looked down, watching her unbuckle his jeans next, trying not to react to her body clad only in undergarments. After his pants had been removed, he watched as she stepped up to the shower, turning the knob to get the temperature just right. He didn't look as she shimmied out of her remaining clothes and disappeared behind the curtain, afraid that he'd lose control.

Despite their conversation, he stepped into the shower in his boxers. No matter what, he wanted her to be the one to lead how and when this happened. Just because she'd taken off his shirt and jeans didn't mean she was ready for everything right now, especially after today.

Her look of surprise at his choice quickly turned into a look of pure adoration. He respected her enough to not assume anything, instead to bear the uncomfortable experience of wet cloth stuck against his skin. For that alone she was even more appreciative of the man in in front of her.

"Thank you," she whispered against the skin of his shoulder as she pulled him close. Careful to not touch any of the bruises on her skin, he held her. His hold remained when she kissed him once again, though languidly this time. Contentedly.

They took their time in the shower. Ed reached for the body wash, just one contributing factor, he learned, into the scent that was uniquely Olivia. His hands were gentle against her flesh, lathering the suds all over her body. When he reached her breasts, he didn't pause to appreciate them, he simply continued on, making sure she was relaxed against him. His touch was soothing, caring. All he wanted to do was to wash away her pain, both emotional and physical. Every ounce of his love for her, though not yet proclaimed, seeped through his hands. Likewise, he washed her hair, massaging her scalp, careful to avoid where she hit her head. When they finally finished, her naked form was being held against his, her back against his chest as he placed a loving kiss against her bare shoulder, and Olivia couldn't help but think about how  _right_ it felt with him. How natural it felt.

* * *

The water eventually grew colder, and they moved out of the shower, pausing to dry off. When they left the bathroom, Liv had to stop Ed as he bent down to pick up his clothes, prepared to put them back on and leave.

"Stay," she whispered. As his mouth opened to reply, she spoke again. "I'm sure." He barely nodded in response, but followed her toward the bed.

Their bodies remained hidden beneath towels and Olivia realized that Ed hadn't actually really looked at her in the shower. He respected her on a whole new level. Any time they had faced each other, their eyes remained locked together. Intimate didn't even begin to describe what had already occurred; yet somehow it was about to reach a new high. They were going to show each other their scars, literal and figurative, physical and emotional.

A simple kiss brought back their desire from the week before, their anticipation building. Olivia guided him onto her bed; he lay beside her, facing her, his hand resting on her hip as her mouth moved against his with renewed energy. Every inch of her skin was on fire. She rolled over him, settling on top, before hungrily kissing him again. There was no mistaking her intentions this time. This wasn't because of what happened; this was just the two of them, Ed and Olivia, wrapped up in each other, feelings being expressed physically instead of held inside.

His fingers were threaded through her damp hair as she moved against him, her own cupping his cheeks. Each kiss was a silent promise of love, of protection. She felt his erection against her thigh, moaning into his mouth when his hands moved to her ass.

Unable to resist, Ed flipped them, throwing the towel onto the floor that had somehow remained around him. He settled over her body, her cheeks, illuminated by the light radiating from the open door to the bathroom, evidently flushed with desire. Their mouths were hungry, greedy, as hands began to wander over bare flesh. Her towel still had to go, but Ed tried to take his time, wanting Olivia to be ready for all of it. She held his body tightly over hers, despite the sensitivity that the bruises had caused her. In that moment, she didn't care. She just wanted to feel him draped over her and as close to her as possible. His eyes begged hers to move forward and she smiled lightly, nodding.

Prying the towel from her body, he gasped in appreciation, his eyes lit up with desire.

"God Liv, you're so beautiful." His mouth found hers before moving slowly down to her jaw, then neck, kissing across her skin. The sensation of his fingertips, barely against her, running down her chest to her breasts caused goose bumps to form. Her nipples were hardened against his hands before his mouth followed the path that they had blazed. Ed placed light kisses against every inch of her upper body, her scars included though not focused on, avoiding her breasts until last. His tongue circled around one nipple before sucking it into his mouth gently, and releasing it with a pop, while his hand focused on the other. He switched then, repeating the process that caused the purest sounds of pleasure to emanate from Olivia.

Pushing himself further down her body, his hands rubbed her thighs before he spread them apart, enabling him to settle in the space between. His mouth returned to work, trailing wet kisses against her inner thighs. She moaned and whimpered as he got closer to her center, yet avoided touching her where she wanted him most. They were both already so worked up that they were panting, Liv's chest heaving while she felt his breath against her.

Ed finally licked her slit, bottom to top, and moaned into her flesh. Olivia's hands reached up to grasp the pillow, clenching her fists as her eyes slipped closed in ecstasy. His tongue continued its journey, licking everywhere, lapping at her with a furious purpose. His mouth closed around her clit, flicking it and sucking on it as he watched her face contort in pure pleasure. She was drawing close to an orgasm already, her body so worked up from his touches, innocent and sexual, all night. Just before she reached that point, he backed off. He gave her just enough time to question what he was doing before lapping at her once again, this time penetrating her slightly with his tongue.

"Oh god Ed yes. Keep… God keep going," she panted. His hands had reached up to grasp her breasts, teasing her nipples as his mouth continued working her over. Unable to remain idle, her arms dropped from where they were buried in the pillow to his head, raking her hands through his closely cropped hair. She writhed beneath him, her thighs quivering against him as she came close to the brink again. Once more he backed off, just enough to let her know that he wasn't finished yet.

She half-sighed, half-whimpered in frustration because she wanted nothing more than to come. This time, she felt his hand release her breasts and trail gently down her body, until he reached her wet heat. His hand was rubbing back and forth over the engorged nub, coating it in her juices before he penetrated her with one, then two fingers. Her gasps at the intrusion made him pause, but she quickly encouraged him to move as she bucked her hips against his hand. This time when his tongue sucked on her clit, he can feel her come apart with his hand and his mouth. Her walls clenched around his fingers, her wetness dripping out of her as he lapped it up with his mouth, prolonging her orgasm. Olivia let out a content sigh coming down from her high, and Ed was already kissing his way back up her body.

When he finally reached her mouth, she eagerly accepted his kiss, tasting herself on him.

"Olivia," he rasped, "You are amazing." He didn't mean it in some overly used 'so-good-at-sex' or 'her body is amazing' kind of way; he was sincere. She was  _completely_  amazing. Olivia stunned him. She was strong, competent, fierce, and yet she was vulnerable here with him. Letting him see her at a low point, trusting him enough to take care of her in more ways than one, letting him love her, that was why she was amazing. Of course she had faults, she was human after all, but she was perfect in every way that mattered.

Unable to respond to the unexpected compliment, Liv's brown eyes met his sea of blue as she slowly reached between them, lightly stroking him. He nearly jumped at the contact, her fingertips trailing down his abdomen had made him even harder, something he thought impossible.

She leaned forward, her mouth next to his ear, her breaths panting against his skin, "I want you inside me Ed. I need you."

He pushed himself up off her, barely leaving any space between their bodies as he stared at her for a moment, taking everything in. Her eyes were still sparkling from the earlier tears, her hair fanned out on the pillow, curling in loose waves because it was still damp, her chest heaving up and down with desire. She was beautiful. He took a breath, leaned down and let his lips brush gently over the bruise covering her eye, still wanting to take away her pain.

Though she appreciated what he was doing, she was getting impatient with the wait. She wanted him and she intended to have him inside her very soon, now if possible.

"Ed please."

Everything seemed to pass by in slow motion. He lined himself up, pushing smoothly into her. Her lips parted, a barely audible gasp escaping at the intrusion.

"God Liv," he sighed, pausing to let her adjust to his size. Her walls had him in a vice; they fit perfectly together, a thought that wasn't lost on either of them.

Her hips bucked upwards inviting him to move inside of her, ready to feel all of it. Ed responded to her subtle movements, slowly pulling out before pushing back in, deeper than before. His hips moved at a slow pace, but each time he drove into her heat he thrust hard, grunts and gasps coming from both. Liv was even more turned on by the sounds of their bodies slapping together, already slick with sweat, their breathy moans filling up the room. Ed was trying so hard to concentrate, not wanting to end this early just because he was living his dream, but Olivia seemed to have other ideas as she flipped them over, settling on top of him.

Liv's hair fell around her face, framing it as she leaned down and captured his mouth once again. She swirled her tongue around his before letting up, only to nip at his lower lip. Her hands moved to his chest, palms against the hard planes and muscles, his racing heartbeat beneath her fingertips. Leaning back slightly, she began moving, lifting up before grinding her hips back down against his, feeling him bottom out inside of her. Her breasts were bouncing with each motion, and unable to remain idle for long, Ed leaned forward to suck a nipple into his mouth. Her moans encouraged him and he continued ravaging her chest as she took him as deep as she possibly could in this position.

Olivia was getting close once again, and as Ed felt the changes of her movements and listened to her erratic breaths, he shifted, leaving her on top, but pulling her down against him so they were once again chest-to-chest. The combination of his body scraping against her nipples and Ed thrusting inside of her at a punishing pace was bringing her just to that point when he stopped.

She grunted in disappointment and attempted to move against him, as he shifted their bodies, flipping them so he was once again on top. He chuckled lightly, not trying to bring her out of the moment, but the irritated glance she shot in his direction was quickly replaced when he pushed back into her, hard.

Wrapping her legs around his waist, she pulled him in even closer, not wanting to separate their bodies for a single second. Nails were scraping at his shoulder blades the more he pounded into her, but Ed didn't let up. He was relentless in showing her his love, completely focused on pleasuring her body. Ed was fully buried inside of her when she moved her hips just a bit, creating a delicious friction between his thrusts and her clit. Every time he moved, he hit the engorged nerves, fueling instant pleasure.

Biting into his shoulder, she stifled the loud cry that threated her, clenching around him. Her thighs were shaking around his waist, waves of release seemingly never ending. The feeling of her walls holding him in place sent Ed over the edge. He spilled inside her with a final grunt, his head dropping to the crook of her neck, as he nuzzled against her.

Ed had never felt so complete in his life. This feeling, the indescribable wholeness that he now felt was the single greatest version of contentment that he ever experienced. Realizing he was probably crushing her, he rolled to his side with extreme care when she winced as he pulled out. He dragged her into his arms, never wanting to part from her embrace again. He wanted a life with her. He wanted everything with her.

Looking down, he wasn't sure what he expected to see, but it wasn't tears. Olivia tried to blink them back, keep them out of his sight but it was no use, he'd seen them and his look of regret crushed her.

"Ed… please don't regret this." His expression was quickly replaced with confusion. He opened his mouth to respond, but Olivia beat him to it. "Melinda was wrong."

"What?"

"You make me feel so… safe? I don't know how to describe it. But my hesitation about this? Me wanting to take things slow? It wasn't just about you seeing my scars. I just… I love you Ed." He was stunned. He hadn't told her how he felt because he didn't think she was ready to hear it; he was terrified she would run in the other direction, yet here she was saying that she loved him? It made no sense. And it was absolutely perfect. "Just don't regret doing this tonight.  _Please_. I knew what I was doing, and I'm so…  _fuck,_  you just make me really happy, okay?"

"I thought I hurt you. You were crying and I thought you changed your mind but… you love me? Olivia Benson I can't even describe how much I love you."

Before she changed her mind, she took a deep breath and steadied herself. "When I was in that house… with Joe... I realized how much I have to live for this time. I have Noah and my squad… and I have you, Ed. I just need you to know that I run when things get hard. I leave before anyone else can leave me first, so don't let me." Her eyes were piercing his soul, her words making his heart ache at the thought of anyone hurting her. "Hold onto me Ed. Please."

She'd never been so open and honest with someone before, and though terrifying, it was freeing. She trusted Ed enough to let him in, and she trusted him enough to not let her go. That's why she had been relieved before. That's why she'd been apprehensive about sex with Ed. She loved him, more than she'd ever loved anyone before, and now she believed that he would stick around, that he would fight with her and for her without bailing. Just before she closed her eyes, she snuggled into his side, his arms around her, and he spoke.

"Always, Olivia. Always."

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? Comments? Let me know!


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